i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
