everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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