$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
