I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
