No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
