i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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