then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
