When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
