I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
