I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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