I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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