so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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