True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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