I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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