she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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