shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
