Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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