whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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