people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
