2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
