White coat. Heels.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
