sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
