just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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