she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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