It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
