At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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