i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
