Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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