This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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