I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
