I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
