I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
