i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
