My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
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I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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