wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
