I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How does one acquire holy water?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
