FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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