last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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