we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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