I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
