You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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