I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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