when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
