yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
