I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
