does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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