I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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