She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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