I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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