i just wanna soil my oats bro
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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