What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
