Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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