Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
