Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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