Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
