Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My brain says no but my pants say off.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I intend to get homeless drunk
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
