She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He keeps bees of course he's weird
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
