are you so shy because you have an std?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
