Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
