Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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