My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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