I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
