I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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