im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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