I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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