Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize