i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
