i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize