I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
