I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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