I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
