I molested 6 butterflies tonight
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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