Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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