when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Pants are for mortals
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
